I Know that I Know that I Know

"When you understand who you are in Christ, a rest enters your soul that cannot exist with striving and struggling. Just as darkness cannot coexist with light, striving for approval does not coexist with confidence in His grace. Who you are in Christ matters more than what you do. God accepts and loves you, just as you are, to demonstrate His Glory to all the world."

I am so grateful for this confidence...in who I am in Christ Jesus! I am so grateful for what He has done in the 27 years of my life...especially the last six of those. I find myself overwhelmed by His great love & His incredible grace & mercy that He continuously pours out on my worthless self. And while by no means have I fully reached His expectations for my life on this earth I find peace in knowing that I am walking in the path that He has set out for me. Get a little sidetracked at times...sure. Wonder why He's leading me this way and not that...of course. But as big as my dreams are I know that His dreams for me are even bigger! So how is one to stay motivated to keep on keeping on especially when you just cannot understand why in the world He would allow some things to happen to you/around you/inside you? Well, my motivation to stay the course is my love for my GREAT GOD!! Because even when I don't understand & I sure don't want to do what I know I've been "told" to do He always, in His way(s) for me, lets me know that I've done as He would have me do time and time again.

Yes, a rest has entered my soul...

Some of my faves

"Please don't give up on me!"
~Psalm 119:8b~

"The Lord will make you successful in everything you do...for the Lord will delight in being good to you..."

~Deuteronomy 30:9~

"Show me the path where I should walk, O Lord; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you."

~Psalm 25:4-5~

"If you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer you; no plague will come near your dwelling."

~Psalm 91:9-10~

"No matter how deep the stain of your sins, I can remove it. I can make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson, I can make you as white as wool. If you will only obey me and let me help you, then you will have plenty to eat. But if you keep turning away and refusing to listen, you will be destroyed by your enemies."

~Isaiah 1:18-20a~

"...the Lord who created you says: 'Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.'...because you are precious to me."

~Isaiah 1 & 4b~

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

~Habakkuk 2:3~

"For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."

~James 1:3~

"Much is required from those to whom much is given, and much more is required from those to whom much more is given."
~Luke 12:48b~

"Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil."
~Proverbs 4:25-27~

"You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'--but not everything is helpful. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'--but not everything is beneficial. Don't think only of your own good. Think of other Christians and what is best for them."
~I Corinthians 10:23-24~

"That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are quite small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us an immeasurably great glory that will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see right now; rather, we look forward to what we have not seen. For the troubles we see will soon be over, but the joys to come will last forever."

~2 Corinthians 4:16-18~

Thank you...just...thank you.

Do you ever just feel so overwhelmed by your surroundings? Our brother is serving our country in Iraq. Our 90 year old grandfather is back in the hospital with bleeding on his brain, 2 broken ribs and purple right eye which is swollen shut on top of the initial reasons for him being admitted having fluid in his lungs & a kidney infection. Our president didn't stop to recognize our National Day of Pray but is making it a point to announce a National Day of Prayer specifically for the Muslim community! Need I go on?

Most people dread Monday...the start of a new "work" week...back to the daily grind. Mondays are not really that big a deal to me seeing as that I'm a "stay-at-home" mom. They usually come & go without much agony in our home. However, last Monday was just a little different. Mess, it was a lot different! I had to fill in at the office for mom since she & dad were away trying to catch a little break. This was not a big deal because I do that every time they're away. The "ugh" of Monday came when we left & headed to town to run a few errands. Nothing really "happened" during this time. We didn't have an accident, didn't have to wait in any long lines for anything, nothing. But have you ever just been going along about your business then all of a sudden you let your mind get away from you & a little switch gets turned on? The switch that triggers the worry which then triggers the anxiety & fretting which then triggers the "OH MY WORD!! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!" freak out mode. Well, that's what "happened" to me that Monday. Andee & I made it home and to be honest, I can't even really remember what we did next. The next thing I do remember is sitting in Adam's chair crying, praying & texting a few friends that I thought may be able to "help."

All too quickly it was time to wake up Andee from her nap, get her dressed for dance (because since CeeCee wasn't home to pick her up on Tuesday she was going to have to go with me to the class I help with), then pick up Landry early from school so we could get to Philly for class at 2:45. When the teacher brought Landry to the office for me she said he had been coughing & complaining of a headache. Then when I felt his forehead he was a bit warm. I immediately started thinking, "Please no more!!" Because see just in 2 months Landry & Andee had strep, Landry had to have 13 stitches & they've both had colds before the strep. Wait that's not all...we get into the jeep & I get a text from our sitter saying that she couldn't babysit the next afternoon! I was like, "REALLY? WHAT ELSE?!!" I mean seriously!! Because see unlike many people that I know with kids we don't have just a ton of sitter options. AND my parents were gone so I was wound a little tight by this time. But just wait...we get to the studio, walk in the door for class & Andee immediately balls up in the floor on her knees. She didn't want me sitting with any other little girl. She didn't want to stretch. She didn't want to be a butterfly. Then she started throwing a small fit because I tried to ignore her & help with the other girls. Mrs. Shawn turned to me & told me that we could just go home. I was so embarrassed. Then on top of that she screams the whole way home & Landry is crying because she's making his head hurt even worse. Anyone want to trade jobs with me for a day?! ;)

Yeah, so as you can imagine I was about ready to pull my hair out. When we got home I gave Landry some motrin & a damp washcloth & sent him to bed to rest. Then I made Alexandrea lay her tail down. Of course, she wasn't going back to sleep...no way. But thank goodness she calmed down. I made her a snack & sat her down to cartoons & I plopped down in my oversized chair. I just sat there...Landry woke up, I got he & Andee a popsicle and went back to the chair and...sat there. I think I even went to bed at like a few minutes before 9:00 that night!

Anyway, over the next few days as I thought about my Monday & even spoke to a friend & the sweet lady that I work for at the studio about the goings on of that awful day I caught myself feeling quite guilty. I mean, who in the world was I to be feeling so sorry for myself? Who am I to complain to anyone about what I've had "to go through"? I have a beautiful family, an amazing husband who adores me & our children, two of the most rambunctious but beautiful & smart kids ever who are so healthy (other than your seasonal cold, etc.), I have been blessed to be at home to watch my children grow, discover, learn & have time with them that no one can replace, I am healthy, my husband is healthy, we pay our bills, we aren't starving...what more could I possibly ask for? In a world where things can go wrong instantly I have been so blessed to have them go, for the most part, so right. Even when I didn't plan them to go this way.

As I drove home from gym class that Thursday practicing my song for the cantata I felt tears begin to roll down my cheeks. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...that's all I could get out. Just...thank you. And I could feel the smile on my heavenly father's face as He reached down & pulled my chin up & said, "You're so very welcome my child."
The next time you get so bogged down in an "oh poor me" meltdown like I did that Monday please try to catch yourself & stop to think about allllll that God has blessed you with when we surely don't deserve any blessings at all and don't ever forget that your situation could be much, much worse.

It's ok...you'll have it one day.

This title just makes me giggle because of the little story behind it. Laini will remember & giggle to herself as well I'm quite sure. At the end of July we were blessed to move into a bigger home which is MUCH closer to school & work. In the master bath there's only a tub and it's a rather deep PINK tub. I don't get to soak in the tub much, if ever really, so the only thing it gets used for is Landry & his race cars zooming up the back. Well, a few weeks ago I decided that I was just going to be selfish. I found a sitter and come rain or shine I was going to Adam's football game! I don't get to go to many at all so I had just talked myself into going. Anyway, about 4:00 that Friday afternoon I had just gotten out of the shower & went to the bedroom to get dressed. Well, Landry comes running around the corner & into my bathroom & all I heard was a big thud & immediate screams & cries. Now, please understand Landry is my quite over-dramatic child so when I rolled my eyes & said, "hold on..." as I reached to wrap the towel back around me I was not being an unconcerned parent. He's just, well, a wimp sometimes. ;) Well, as I walked into the bathroom I saw his hands clasped to his head then he let go a little & blood was all I could see! I immediately ripped the towel from my body & pressed it to his head. I tried to calm him as much as possible & slowly walked him to the bed so I could sit him down because remember now, I had NO CLOTHES ON.

The next several minutes seemed to rush by as I continued to try to calm him as much as he would allow me. I had been texting a friend who is coincidentally in the last semester of nursing school so I replied to her last text: EMERGENCY! COME NOW!!!! I then immediately called my dad's cell. You might ask, "Why wouldn't you call your mom first?" Ok, so any of you that know my mother can answer that question without me having to say a word. haha! Anyway, he didn't answer...great! After receiving that obiously disturbing text Amber called me & asked what was up. I told her that Landry had fallen in the tub & had a pretty nice sized gash right under his right eyebrow. She was on her way. Then I called my parents' home & oh yes, mom answered. The conversation went as follows:
**I simply said with a calm tone, "I need you & dad to come right now."
(mom) "What's wrong?"
(me) "Landry fell in the tub & has a gash over his right eye. Please come now."
(mom) "Well, is he ok? What happened?"
(me) "Mom, I just need y'all to come right now!"

Between the call & my parents arriving I ran to the bathroom, grabbed a rag & ran some cool water over it then took it back to Landry to press against the injury. This whole time now I haven't broken a sweat. (Go mom, right!) Well anyway, (almost) Nurse Amber comes in & says yes we need to go to ER...maybe stitches maybe not. Oh yeah, she was just doin some wishful thinkin! We headed to the ER at Neshoba General. Granpaw held him the whole way. Ok so we make it in & yep, stitches. Landry was freaking! Granpaw tried to keep his mind off the big needle that was soon to come with stories of the Smokey Mtns. & the horses and even Mrs. Amber's deep breathing she told him to do...all that helped. Then it was time for the medicine that makes it all go numb...yes, we had a male EMT holding his head, a nurse at his neck & shoulders, granpaw holding his arms & torso then a female EMT & myself were hangin on to his legs. So I'm watching as the doctor squirts that stuff from a needle into his little head...I was good. Then came the suchers (forgive my spelling). He got to the 3rd one & I got a little light headed. Whew, yeah...I had to sit down. Man, Iwas so mad! I thought I was doing good. But I guess the adrenaline had rushed to its limit & it was down time. So anyway, he ended up with THIRTEEN stitches!! And now he has a pretty little scar above his right eye under his eyebrow.


Which brings me to the title of this post. You see, I also have a nice little scar over the same eye but right above my eyebrow and Landry's Uncle Jerry has a scar above one of his eye's as well (can't remember which one). The next day Landry was talking to one of his favorite people in the world, Laini. He was telling her all about running & jumping into the tub, hitting his head, the blood, the doctor, the needle, and the THIRTEEN stitches. She asked him about having a new scar that, of course, he could tell more stories about to everyone...she's taught him well. She said he was just like momma & Uncle Jerry with their scars. Then he asked, "What about your scar Laini?" She replied, "Well, I don't have a scar like that buddy." To which he responded, "Well that's okay. You'll have one one day." Then, of course, I heard lots of laughter on her end.

As I thought about that cute little conversation, I couldn't help but picture my Jesus. We come into this world, yes with a sin nature, but pure without any scars visible or not from sin just like our Savior. As we go through our time on this earth sooner or later we end up with some type(s) of scar(s) either from a hurt or our sin. We get bumped and bruised so much until sometimes we feel like we just aren't good enough even for God to love us or want us so why would anyone else, right? And all along Jesus is saying, "Look at my scars. This is what I did for YOU!" Now there may be some of us who have lived for Christ as "hard as we can" & have done well, for the most part, so therefore may not have any deep scars that are even visible possibly. That's when I think of Landry's words..."It's okay. You'll have one one day." And when you get them guess what...your Jesus will be right there when you think you're at your worst & so ugly that no one can bear the sight of you, and He'll reach down & put your fingers into the holes in His hands, feet & sides and let you brush your hand across His forehead to remind you again what He did for YOU so long ago. And remember those scars are just added material to the story you'll have to tell!

This is it...for now.

Well hello all! That's funny that I'm telling people hello & probably no one is going to be reading this anyway. ha! Well whatever, so I'm blogging now. Annie Gundy inspired me to post my own "stay-at-home mommy" thoughts every now and then so here I am. Oh my word, I sound like my mother! Wow! haha!

Anyway, don't have much time for a lot today but I'm getting started & that's what you gotta do, right? Hopefully, I can make a little time for this at least every week for now. Until more time is available I'll see ya next time.